However ugly your Nissan, you should always think, “It could be worse. I could be in a Cube.” In the X-Trail (which everyone at once called the En-Trail, due to the random splashes of reflective red across the back, which made it look as if its guts were on the outside) the excesses of the brand are toned down. No twiddly bits, just solid respectability, seven seats, six speakers, five-inch screen behind the wheel, seven-inch screen for the maddeningly slow satnav, leather everywhere, all the signs of being a grownup and as much safety as you can pad into a car without taking its wheels off.
The Tekna is the range-topper, with a six-speed manual engine and 1.6 litres of petrolly promise that it didn’t live up to. I got used to the shape, and when it came to say goodbye, you could say I almost liked it, and not just because it is hard not to like orange things once you get to know them. But it’s heavy for its engine, and the acceleration is a bit pathetic. I caught the children making side eyes of embarrassment as I tried to race Ocado vans and lawnmowers off traffic lights. “There’s no point pretending you’re not with the car,” I explained, “when you’re in the car.” “It’s you we’re pretending not to be with,” they whispered. “It’s your aggressive driving style and age-inappropriate hand gestures.” So I sang Abba over the top and admired the power-opening panoramic roof.
If you try to accelerate really hard, the steering goes awry, which is unsettling. It’s choppy in the city; so many gear changes, it’s like playing hippy music on your gearstick. Yet, otherwise, it feels quite urban, with its responsive steering and multi-monitors ensuring you scarcely, if ever, collide with anything.
It’s less charming on a long journey. There are useful motorway features for people who hate driving – speed-limited cruise control – but it’s not what you’d call poky. On roads where you need more agility, you don’t get it: it doesn’t recover well from road unevenness, you’d never want to accelerate into a corner, there is no sweet spot where it actively seems to enjoy speeding up and I was frankly incredulous at the top speed (as advertised). It’s also surprisingly thirsty for a car with such an ambivalent attitude to performance.
On the plus side, it’s very quiet, comfortable, feels plush and there’s a lot of space; it is, in short, a passengers’ car, perfect for the participant with no responsibilities. Don’t knock it; there are a lot of passengers out there.
Nissan X-Trail: in numbers
Price £29,895
Top speed 200mph
Acceleration 0-62mph in 9.7 seconds
Combined fuel consumption 44mpg
CO2 emissions 149g/km
Eco rating 7/10
Cool rating 5/10
guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010
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On the road: Nissan X-Trail car review – ‘I tried to race Ocado vans and lawnmowers’
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